hEaD eXpLoDiNg

That is the only description to what I feel like right now!!!
THERE IS SO MUCH ON MY MIND RIGHT NOW!!!
Let me try and explain coherently.

BaCk PaIn:
I hurt my lower back last Thursday at work... I fell off some playground equipment and I'm not going into detail... then went country swing dancing that night after not going for like a week and a half. I was not gentle to my body, thus I could barely move the next morning. THEN on Saturday I went shopping for four hours (whole body ached) and then was teaching my friend a swing dancing move later that evening. Well, he dropped me... on my head. It felt like my head was pushing my spine into itself... but getting stuck in an upside down 'v' position (^). OUCH. Luckily my friend Nate is an EMT and he came to my rescue. I did get a blessing from my awesome friends last night and it's amazing how much it helped! (You guys are the best!) However, I'm still recovering and sitting in a position for too long makes my back ache... like studying for example!

sChOoL pAiN:
Thus bringing me to my next head exploding issue! I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!!! (Yes, I know I could be working on this issue right now by not blogging, but I tried to do that for like an hour with no avail because I cannot focus when I have so much on my mind. Thus, I'm technically being productive my getting all my thoughts out on "paper.") I am taking four classes and I have 4 assignments and a project due next Monday, a huge test tomorrow (that is pretty much impossible to completely study for), an assignment due on Wednesday and a project to start before time gets away from me, and a quiz and 2 projects to start for my Thursday. I plotted out all the stuff I need to do today in my planner... I started hyperventilating! Oh and I didn't include everything... that would take WAY to long.

SoCiAl PaIn:
So I miss my friends. Ephraim is away for work till Dec. 8th, which just so happens to also be the day that Allie leaves on her mission. Sadness/Happiness... Crying will be the only option! BUT I also can't focus on it because that is the week before finals!!! :'( AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Then my other friends are calling me, texting me, confronting me about how I never see them anymore and they want me to make time for them!!! I cannot please everybody and I feel like if I try then I will please nobody! I think I'll just not try and take care of myself... but we all know that I can't do that either. It's against my nature.
I also miss having someone in my life. I want a boyfriend, but I don't want to date... but then I also don't want a boyfriend because I don't even have time for my family or myself half the time. UGH.

fAmIlY pAiN:
I never see my mom anymore. She leaves at like 5:30 am for work when I'm deep in dreamland and I get home around 12:00 am when she is deep in dreamland. Needless to say... I MISS MY MOMMA! Next, my dad accuses me of not caring about my family and never making time for them, thus I almost avoid being home to not get looks from him because, according to his standards, I will never spend enough time at home. Cameron has the life, he comes home and gets a standing ovation and then tells me what I should change in my life. Helene thinks I'm being stupid for not being home and then continues to criticize me about the rest of my life, particularly dating. I think she will never approve of anything I do. Plus if she gets her first straight 'A' report card (in her senior year after NOT doing well in her junior year) my dad praises the ground she walks on and asks if I ever got straight A's (I did. I got them so often that my parents stopped noticing them!) Brandon, my adorable 13-year-old brother, is always making snide comments about seeing me... "wow, what are you doing home? it's 10 pm." It all just hurts!

MoViNg-OuT pAiN:
Elisa and I will be moving out soon. We've pretty much got everything needed to move out! (except a microwave and a vacuum... but we're accepting donations... hint hint ;) ) We just need to find a place that will pass the dad test (harder than you may think) and our budget test! But when will we move out??? Don't know, still looking for a place and a time to do it... all around finals time.

cOlOn PaIn:
So add all that stress up and apply it to my easily sickened body. My ulcerative colitis reacts to stress and I get sick. I won't go into detail, just trust me that it ain't pretty and it sure is painful! Menstrual cramps got nothing on this. Oh and I need to reapply to get help to pay for my medication because it's super expensive, luckily my doctor is awesome!!! (as in strikes AWE).

So there might be more,
but they would fit under multiple categories.
Basically I just want to
S C R E A M, C R Y, S L E E P, C U D D L E, T A L K,
and just be okay again.

Welcome to Finals. See you in a month.