Okay, so I hate... wait that's a strong word... am not fond of The Wizard of Oz. I'm not sure why, but I still don't like it. Anyhow, I thought the picture was funny and appropriate. I almost posted a picture of a melting ice cube, but decided this would be more fun. I was right. :)
I'm melting!!!
I suppose I owe more of an explanation. Back in 9th grade, sooo long ago, I was an awkward child. A targeted awkward child. I was consistently teased and bullied. I received quite a number of notes in my locker that said horrible things, even things were written on the white board INSIDE my locker. Needless to say, I cried almost everyday after school. Word of this reached my older brother's ears and he told me that I needed to stop crying, that everyone was getting tired of it. So I did. I didn't cry in public unless it was something really big! I would get upset, but I rarely cried.... even in private. That's right. I couldn't cry on my own. I could only trigger it if I was talking about it. Thus, less private than I'd prefer.
I have been struggling with this problem ever since. It's been really hard because I would go home from something upsetting, or just had a bad day, and I couldn't even cry it out. Crying has and always be part of my healing process. I don't feel better until I let out all that built up emotion. However, that relief came rarely and I would become frozen in my zone of unhappiness. Many could recognize me in this stage and made me talk about it, helping me immensely! I've tried so hard to break myself out of this frozen state, but nothing worked.
...
But then!
...
Something happened. It was a shock to my system. A rejection of common sense. I heard myself say that everything was fine, but my soul, not my heart, was HURTING. It cut deep and dirty and I was alone to face it. I drove home and the flood gates opened. "I'm melting." Another shock to my system, but a good one this time. I was upset and wanted to cry so I did!
This happened awhile ago and I admit that there are parts of me that haven't completely melted yet. I'm still working on that and I'm making progress. I can still cry though and It's felt wonderful!
I have been struggling with this problem ever since. It's been really hard because I would go home from something upsetting, or just had a bad day, and I couldn't even cry it out. Crying has and always be part of my healing process. I don't feel better until I let out all that built up emotion. However, that relief came rarely and I would become frozen in my zone of unhappiness. Many could recognize me in this stage and made me talk about it, helping me immensely! I've tried so hard to break myself out of this frozen state, but nothing worked.
...
But then!
...
Something happened. It was a shock to my system. A rejection of common sense. I heard myself say that everything was fine, but my soul, not my heart, was HURTING. It cut deep and dirty and I was alone to face it. I drove home and the flood gates opened. "I'm melting." Another shock to my system, but a good one this time. I was upset and wanted to cry so I did!
This happened awhile ago and I admit that there are parts of me that haven't completely melted yet. I'm still working on that and I'm making progress. I can still cry though and It's felt wonderful!
Funny how dancing in the rain can require creating some of your own.
3 comments:
I've made this comment before but your lack of detail is frustrating. I feel like you've raked the Mona Lisa into a sandbox and then brushed over it with vagueness and so we only get a faint outline of what is being said- and quite PROFOUNDLY being said at that. From someone who has struggled with similar things- and ironically started by similar instances of bullying -I found this to be pretty interesting. It's pretty weird how we set up mental blockades for ourselves so often, isn't it?
PS- Why hate on Oz?
Comparing my writing to the Mona Lisa, how flattering!!! Thank you Anthony! If you want details then ask me in person. I'm not opposed to talking about my experiences, but I am opposed to airing my dirty laundry for the world to see. It's not fair to whomever I am frustrated with at the time - especially if I'm just venting. Friendships end that way and I'm focusing more on what I learn from life experiences, not necessarily what those experiences are.
I "ain't" hating. I'm just not a fan of the story. I love Wicked though! And I'm going to see my little bro's musical "The Wiz" at Highland this week. :)
So I somehow totally missed this post! I love you and I'm glad you're starting to cry more because, as you know, crying is the best way to feel relief.
You are such a beautiful person and I don't just mean your smoking hot good looks :)
Post a Comment