Count Downs

Advent Calendars: Crafty countdown activities that show up in December in every corner of every house!

I've had a fair amount of them in my life from candles, chocolate boxes, candy on the tree, fabric fireplaces, and some you just have to see... Anyway, I like these things! I even have countdowns on my phone! The app automatically added a countdown to The New Year.

The first app I added myself was not for Christmas... It was to my wedding to Anthony Badger! (Don't get me wrong... I still created a countdown calendar for that.)

My mom laid down the law the night Anthony proposed. Besides that night, no wedding planning until AFTER Christmas.

I'm SUPER excited for December 26th.

But even more excited for June 10, 2013.

The Many Adventures of Nanny Aubrey

Pretty much no one gets that joke. Just so y'all know, if you say "Nanny Aubrey" just like how you'd say "Nanny McPhee," they sound similar... I realize it's a stretch, but when I first started this job I felt like her. The boys have had many nannies in the past who each had their own style of child care and I had to combat those styles and two little boys, ages 5 and 7, who are trying to figure me out. It was hell. I was so tired at the end of the day from all the tantrums and scratches and manipulation attempts and hating words! I was questioning what I got myself into within a week of beginning the job. There was even with defiance with potty training! Therefore I compare myself to Miss McPhee.

Over the past few months I've been picking my battles and building relationships with these two boys. A lot of little things slid by in the beginning. The important things had to be battled on. It helped to have their parents' support. Their rule: When Aubrey is here, what she says goes. The end. Over time I've been able to get them to say "okay" when I ask them to do something. They say "please" when they ask for something. When I use the "voice" to say no, they stop short. They know the consequences of their actions. We've talked about it on their level, face to face.

I talk to them like adults because they have their own thoughts and they are smart. I'm teaching them to think for themselves.

We do the funnest things!!! Their new favorite place is "the sand park" where they learned to pump and jump off the swing. We've been going their a lot lately and it's been really fun. We also have been many other places around Salt Lake. I'm so grateful for these boys and their family. The little one told me one day to call them my grandsons... Yeah, I had to explain to him that I'm not old enough to be a grandmother... He agreed that nephew was a better term. :)

I love watching them grow, learn, and become who they're meant to be. I love helping them pronounce their /th/, /r/, and /l/ sounds and listening to the youngest practice counting and saying THirteen and Fourteen instead of fiwteen and fouwteen. He's so proud of himself and I'm so proud of him.

The best part has to be the random hugs and kisses or the words of affirmation. "Aubwey, youw fa best." It just makes any day better. It even makes the screaming of "Youw da wowse babysittew evew!" as I carry them out of the grocery store more bearable.

Everyday is an adventure and I'm glad I get to experience it. I even created a hash tag on Instagram to document all the races, lava monsters, tickle monsters, swinging, tag, Foosball, Dino nuggets, and silly faces. To follow me just look up #themantadventuresofnannyaubrey.

Like the little red head once said, I am grateful for smiling faces.

I'm in Love, I'm in Love, and I Don't Care Who Knows It!!!

I'm the luckiest girl in the entire world.
I'm in love with my best friend!

Anthony and I began "officially" dating on July 9th, but our journey to becoming the most adorable couple you know started back in October of 2011. Now I must warn you that this is a long and complicated story of which I will try to sum up in a detailed manner... without boring you half to death.

In August my friend Grif started introducing me to some of his high school friends who are actually my age. Yep, he tried to set me up with guys. It kinda worked...? I dunno. Depends on your definition. ANYWHO! I then went to a pool night and met more of the guys and they began to convince me to come to their Sunday night game nights! At the time, I was having a game/movie night at my house on Sunday nights and was unwilling to cancel it... Then I did. (Yep. I just shortened the story!) So at the end of August I went to game night every week and started meeting lots of guys! Many of which were showing interest in me (I was in heaven) and my dating life was finally interesting. I won't go into detail about the different guys... yet. Then, Anthony entered the scene. I thought he was SOOO attractive with his longer black hair, swooped off to the side, his angular face and brows, and he was tall! BONUS! However, I being my shy self, did not approach him. (You don't have to believe that I am shy, but I am when it's a one-on-one situation I clam up..) He didn't approach me either. That was October 9th.

About two weeks later I went to a Pumpkin Pancake night at my friend's house and Anthony was waiting inside. Looking dashing I might add! Well we got to talking and hit it off. He got my jokes and I got his. We proceeded in this wit war all night. Other guys tried to grab my attention, but it was all on Anthony. At the end of the night I did something that I regret... I smacked him in the back of the head. Yes I was flirting, but he did not know it. It made him go back into his shell and he didn't pursue. GHAAA! He eventually got my number by slyly asking for it on facebook when I asked him why he didn't come to game night when it was at my house. He got lost and couldn't call me... See? Very sly.

As time went on... he didn't ask me out... he didn't ask to hang out... and I moved on, but I would often talk to him on facebook chat. We shared personal stories and ideas for hours and hours. I would often get on to just see if he was on! On one occasion, he actually told me that he likes me, but I wasn't his top choice... Just as he wasn't mine. Well I was feeling hopeful! Maybe he'd ask me out soon! The next day, Anthony's relationship status changed to "in a relationship." I kinda died inside, but I was happy for him! Well, kinda. Our conversations went down in frequency from then on. Then I started spending time with Bryant and Anthony approved the relationship... so I started officially dating him at the end of November.

Time went by.

About 2 months actually. Bryant broke up with me on January 9th. Michelle broke up with Anthony a few weeks later. We relied on each other through the hard times that followed while occasionally talking at game night and on facebook.

Then came April! I was having a hard time being single and I had a wake up call about how blessed I was... then Anthony came to my mind. He was such an awesome guy, but no one would invite him to hang out! I once promised myself I'd never let other people be forgotten like I once was. Therefore, I began texting him and hanging out with him late every night. We would talk for hours and hours and I loved learning more about him, although I must admit that I did most of the talking. :)

Over time, old feelings started coming back for both of us. Anthony began expressing desire to date me. And... I hesitated. I disappeared for two weeks. He noticed. I sorta came back, but crap had hit the fan.

Mutual friends' opinions of me had greatly decreased. It was really hard for me to deal with! These were close friends of whom I relied greatly on in past hardships. But it came apparent that I couldn't express my dating stress to them. I was going on upwards 7 dates a week with different guys on top of seeing Anthony almost everyday, full time school, and two jobs. It was hard and confusing. I found myself praying for guidance almost every night. I just had the feeling to keep going. So I did.

Then came the pressure.

Pressure from EVERYWHERE! Lots of different friends wanting to know why we're not dating. Other friends wondering why Anthony is wasting his time. It created a lot of stress to add to the frustrations of a dating life. I needed a vacation.

So I went on one!

My friend Elisa and I drove to San Francisco to visit my little sister Helene. However, before I left I told Anthony that I'd have an answer for him when I got back. It was a wonderful week! We were there over Independence Day (The fireworks there are FANTASTIC!!!!) and it was a very relaxing week. We met locals and got to see their way of life and share part of ours. :) I think the most influential part was seeing how kind people were to each other and being treated with respect... Even from drunk men on the street. Yeah... I grew tired of Utah boys. I gave up on all the boys back home who were being stupid... Except Anthony. I continued to text him and send him pictures of our adventure.

Coming home was hard. I didn't want to go back to school and work, but I especially didn't want to tell Anthony my decision.

My Decision

I needed time to think. Time to myself. Time away from dating. Therefore... The answer was no. I couldn't handle a relationship. I just needed my best friend, Anthony.

We got home on Sunday morning, but I avoided seeing Anthony that night. I went to a little get together with some friends and met some new guys... They were smart and fun and mature. I had a renewed hope for Utah men again. I felt as though I should "just keep swimming."

The next night I went over to Anthony's after Family Home Evening (FHE). I finally told him that I just needed him as a friend and he told me it is okay and he needs me in his life too. I'm his best friend and he wants me in any way he could get.

And just like that the pressure was gone!

I got to keep him in my life. I got to keep talking to my friend, a friend who understood me more than any other. He had been through hard times just as I had. He had relied on the gospel throughout it all. He knew life was hard. He knew how to make it easy. He knew he should rely on God. He knew how to dance in the rain.

I had a wake up call. I started reconsidering my decision to not date him. I was battling my head, my heart, and my Heavenly Father. I was scared of hurting Anthony. I was scared of ruining what we had.

Finally, God gave me a figurative kick in the butt. There I had my handsome BEST friend sitting next to me who also happened to want to date me... And I was saying no. Dumb. Then I had to decide how to tell him I had changed my mind. Should we go on a walk? Should I ask him to ask me one more time?

I turn to Anthony, of whom had been talking, but I had no recollection of what it was about... I guess I was really deep in thought... And say,

"Do you want to date?"

His response: "Are you serious?" I assured him I was and he responded "yes."

We talked a little more then it came time for me to leave. I got out of the car to say goodbye. He asked if he could kiss me and then proceeded to give me a kiss that was like kissing a fish and a wall... Then he panicked, gave a few more kisses and RAN away.

"What have I gotten myself into?"

The best decision of my life.

Sister Date Night!!!

I got to go on a date night with my little sister last month! It was her idea and I was so excited that she wanted to spend time with me! We didn't get along for years! Always bickering, complaining about each other, back biting, name calling, and... Fighting. But after a year of being separated by hundreds of miles we had learned how to put our pride aside and show each other our love.

A week before the blessed day, Helene drafted a basic outline of the night.

Meet up at 5 at my apartment
Get ready together
Go to dinner at a nice restaurant

Throughout the week Anthony and I visited my parents house a few times for a variety of reasons, but while we were there Helene was preaching about her favorite tea steamer... and wanted me to try it. It's made with milk so I refused (I'm lactose intolerant), but she was determined that I try it and decided that we would go to the Starbucks in Barnes and Noble after dinner on Friday because they have non-dairy options. It is the only one that has the kind of tea she likes. Well that was fine with me. We also decided to go to Pei Wei for dinner since it was less expensive but still nice.

Friday came and I anxiously awaited work to be over so I could start my exciting evening. As 4 o'clock approached I texted Anthony and asked if I could drop by and see him before heading to get ready with Helene. He was with his guy friends so he couldn't, but we told me I should wear my pencil skirt and then come see him afterward.

Since my previous plans to see Anthony before getting ready were vetoed, I arranged for Helene to meet me at 4:30 instead of 5.

Helene came over and I showered and flat ironed my hair (at Helene's request). Helene recorded videos throughout the process of us dancing and getting ready. We got all dolled up and 2 1/2 hours (around 7) later we headed out.



I convinced Helene to go to Michaelangelo's instead of Pei Wei for dinner because it's yummy Italian!

At dinner we talked about life, dating, engagements, weddings, baby names, you know... Typical girl stuff. :) And... she recorded me eating... apparently she wanted to make a video montage of our night. The food was fantastic! The time spent was so fun! And of course, I texted Anthony the whole night. Helene caught me and I told her that I have seen him everyday since we began dating... But I hadn't seen him that day yet! I was DYING... So we planned what we were going to do the rest of the night. There was a decades dance at the Institute of Religion at the U of U that I wanted to go to.

After dinner (around 9), I called Anthony and ran the ideas by him... He wasn't up for a dance and that was okay by me! I just wanted to see him! I kept talking to him on the phone while we drove to Barnes and Noble. He was at Brady's house and was anxiously awaiting my arrival after we got the non-dairy tea steamers. Helene told me to get off the phone while we parked the car. As we walked inside she mentioned a book we read as kids... something about bears and LOTS of popcorn... she couldn't find it and wanted to look in the children's section of the book store... Well, Helene being Helene, there's no point in arguing with her, I went along with it.

We headed up the escalator and Helene recorded us as we walked to the Children's section to begin our search of a childhood memory. Feeling awkward, I told Helene about the dates that had taken me to read books in this very section! As we approached our destination I realized that this search is futile since there were SO many books and we didn't even know the title! Thinking of the time Helene was taking away from Anthony, I began to object to the search. At that moment, I rounded the corner of the entrance when...

Anthony popped out a bookshelf!

My thoughts raced:
Hey! You surprised us!
I thought you were at Brady's...
Are you joining us for steamers?
You look handsome!
Why are you wearing a blazer?
Wait... Why are you here?

"Aubrey."
He took my hand.
"How are you?"
I replied with a mediocre "good..." as he guided me through the maze of benches and book cases towards the story book stage, his eyes never straying from my gaze.

Everything was going slow motion. It seemed to take hours to step onto the little stage!

My mind continued to race:
What is happening?
It isn't March 27th!
Could this really be happening?

Anthony went down on one knee and my gaze finally broke his as he pulled out a little black box.

This is really happening!!!

"Aubrey, will you marry me?"

His voice didn't falter or tremble, it sounded deep, focused, and blissful.

I was overjoyed. A dream come true.

Now I just needed to answer.

A breathless but determined "yes" escaped my lips and I stared at the love of my life!

I didn't know what to do next so I grabbed the ring box and pulled Anthony into a hug. We kissed and laughed and smiled and kissed!

I finally saw the little audience we had:

Max
Brady
Anthony's little sister Isabelle
Helene

All taking pictures or videos of the happy moment.

There was a random little family there as well. ;)

Anthony turned to me and asked if he should put on the ring. All of the sudden I felt silly for simply grabbing it from him and placed the box back in his hand.

He carefully took the beautiful ring out of the velvet box and slid it onto my shaking finger. It was a miracle he didn't miss!

I looked up at Anthony, my fiancé, my future husband and realized I get to be with him forever.

Turns out that Anthony and Helene were in cahoots since the beginning of November!

I never suspected a thing.

What You Didn't know About Engagement Rings

I've been dreaming about getting married my whole life, I think most girls do, but there's something that should precede it.

Getting engaged.

I realize you could technically skip this step... oh well. The main aspect of getting engaged is getting/ wearing a ring. Now depending on what kind of ring you get, your experience could vary from mine. However, my ring is pretty much the most stereotypical ring you can imagine so I'm going to talk about it.

What You Didn't Know About Engagement Rings

You can't rest your cheek/head on your fist.

No more fist bumps! Use your right hand.

Careful when you run your fingers in your hair... Your ring will get caught in it.

Your fingers get thinner when they're cold... So your ring likes to slide off. Be prepared to keep your hand in a fist outside.

You can scratch your hand when you wash them.

Drains now scare you.

You will constantly be shining it.

It will easily distract you.

Back handing people is much more severe.

You feel like a lady when you show someone your ring.

Putting gloves on just became a difficult task.

Boys don't back off.

Chemicals reach a new level of dangerous.

Well what are some you have noticed? Please comment below!

Sister Status

I know a girl
I've always liked through the years

I was young and awkward,
She was a smile in the hall

youthful and misunderstood
She was the neighborhood walk and a listening ear

A young adult and sickly but stubborn
She was a hand on my back walking up a snowy mountain.

Alone and broken hearted
She was an encouraging letter

Single and strong
She was a girls' night in.

In love and planning
She is a sister by my side.

People become friends
Friends become good friends
Good friends become old friends
Some become best friends
Few become family.

She has sister status.

Zion Day

The Holladay YSA Stake (my stake) has instituted Zion Day. Zion Day is every Tuesday and we have been asked to pray for members of our stake. I admit that I haven't been consistent with this responsibility. HOWEVER! I have been a recipient of Zion Day. I had a hard weekend last week. I was stressed about money for tuition and had no idea how to pay it. I was asking friends and family for assistance. None were financially able to help. I applied for a personal loan last Saturday, but was informed that I wouldn't find out if I got it until Tuesday morning (the day tuition was due) because of Labor Day weekend... It freaked me out. I tried not to think about it on Sunday and Monday. I trusted it would all work out.

Tuesday morning came and I called the credit union and waited on hold for what seemed like forever to find out the news. Well, disappointment hit hard. I needed a co signer to get the loan, something I couldn't provide in such short notice. It was the day of reckoning and I had 7 hours to come up with the money. Then my last chance - a deferral plan - wasn't working. The Internet site was crashing. I broke down. Not a little bit, a lot a bit. I threw myself on my knees and prayed/begged for my Heavenly Father's help. With tears flowing down my cheeks, I left for work. I work as a nanny from 10 to 4. Tuition was due at 4:45. I felt as though all was lost, but I couldn't give up. I just couldn't. So I text my boyfriend Anthony for support. He came through with a wonderful text telling me to keep a prayer in my heart and just have faith because it will all work out in the end. Then I text my roommate Alexis, it was random, but inspired. She knows how to handle money. She came to my rescue with loan options and different ideas. I was actually able to get on the Internet while the little boy I nanny, played on his own. The deferral plan website started working again and I was texting Anthony and Alexis for advice. Well I couldn't afford the upfront payment. So I was lead to drop one class. It was hard but turned out okay. An enormous weight was lifted from my shoulders and I knew everything happens for a reason. I felt SOO much better! I finished work happily and left for school. On my way to class I ran into two girls from my old LDS sorority and one good friend I haven't seen in a while. They gave me big hugs and were happy to see me. They asked many questions and gave much encouragement.

I headed to class shortly after talking to them and it was a good class where I got partnered up with a friend who is often in my classes. After class I went to the LDS Institute to wait for Anthony to get back from his man date with his friend. While at the institute, I sat with the same old friend I saw earlier and we talked and did homework. I saw Tyler, a friend whom always calls me Polly. Suddenly, a person appeared in the seat next to me. I quickly realized it was Julie from my ward! We talked for a half hour until I had to leave to take my car to another friend to help me fix the belts. On my way to my car, I saw a couple of girls STANDING on my car! I was about to freak out at them, but then I recognized them as my best friend, Allie, and sister, Helene. They were going to send me a picture of it.

While fixing my car, Nate took off my serpentine belt and inspected it. It was still in good shape, no need to replace it. So he put it back on and tightened the loose bearings that were making the squeaking noise.

I was in dire need of love on that day. I felt so alone as I faced this huge hurdle and the Lord put ten individuals on my path to inspire and uplift me. I know it was because I had all the prayers of the stake on my side.

God loves us individually. He helps us specifically.

There are no coincidences.

This College Thing

Ah school...

That thing that come every August and ruins all our lives!

Especially in college.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE college! It's the best time of my life! Everything is so so fun! HOWEVER! Tuition sucks. This has been the first semester that I've had to pay tuition... I know "boo hoo Aubrey. It's your 5th year of college and you're just now worrying about this." And you're right! I'm very blessed! Although, now I know how the rest of my school feels. Thus, it suck!

I pretty much fell apart for a week because of school stuff... and other stuff... but it all stemmed from school issues... Anyway! Anthony helped me through it and all is good now.

Guess how many credits I'm taking!!!

Drum roll please.....................................

7.

Yep. Just 7! The lowest I've ever taken is 12 and now I'm just over half that.
Well, I guess this is my reward for only having to take 6 classes this year before I start my student teaching. Thus 3 classes this semester and 3 next semester. It all works out though because these classes are the hardest yet! Luckily, my teachers are awesome and they actually care about teaching us and helping us learn. Therefore, I want to do the work for them. I know it's not about the grade to them. It's about us.

That's the kind of teacher I want to be.

I think I can do this college thing.

Curly Sue... er I mean Aubrey

I have natural curly hair. I used to hate it and would flat iron it EVERYDAY. I know, it was so good for my hair right?

Well, through time, I began to understand how to style my curls through experimentation, how-to websites, and friends' advice. I am now proud to say that I can make my hair do almost anything and I rarely flat iron it. I've accepted that I have curly hair. I've discovered I have the best sort of curls: thin hair, ringlet curls, easily flat ironed, and it's all one color... Brown.

The Benefits of Curls

• Natural body and volume

• A simple hairstyle takes 3 minutes to do right out of the shower.

• Buns just STAY in place... So easy to do.

• TONS of different ways to style a bun.

• You always look like you put effort into your hair.

• Rain, snow, sleet, or shine your curls stay in tact. No need to be afraid of the weather.
• However, I always check the weather if I'm going to flat iron it.

• It hides grease better! I've gone 7 days without showering and NO ONE NOTICED. In fact, I was complemented on how good I smelled. Ta Da!!!
• Baby Powder is my best friend.

• Your hair actually looks styled after swimming.

• When you curl your hair with a curling iron it stays... For Days!! Little or no hairspray needed.

• Styling your curls doesn't ruin your hair.

• Hides how long it actually is! When you flat iron it, people WILL comment.

Tips for Those Natural Curls

~ things I've picked up along the way ~

• Use leave-in conditioner! I use Infusium 23*. You don't want those curls to dry out!

• Cut off at least a 1/2 inch every 3 months. Split ends will weigh down your curls!

• Use Herbal Essences Totally Twisted mousse*. It's purple. Follow the instructions on the container.

• Big spider clips are now your best friends! They will actually hold up your hair.

• After using the mousse, blow dry your roots on low. This ensures that they won't get weighed down and your hair won't resemble a triangle. 

• Use flexible hair stray and spray your hair upside down it adds added protection against frizz.
• I use Aussie*. It smells great!

• Sleep on a satin pillow case. This will keep your hair from getting all frizzy during the night. 
• Cotton fibers catch your hair and frizz it out.

• Use the said spider clip to hold your hair on top of your head while you sleep. It keeps the curls fresh for tomorrow and it is out of your face!!!

• When curls seem lacking, wet your hands and dampen your hair then set hair dryer on low and slightly dry it upside down. Do not use too much water or too much heat, you're kill your curls. We want to keep them fun!

• Too much of anything is a bad thing... meaning too much gel, mousse, heat, water, and touching. These will weigh your curls down or frizz them out.

• Let your hair slightly dry while it is clipped up. Curls will come out better and your hair will be out of your face while you do you make up. 
• Keep it pinned up for at least 5-10 minutes.
• Feel free to spray it with flexible hair spray.
• If you're in a hurry, clip it in the back so it looks like a messy bun! It will look cute until it's dry enough to really look cute!

• Use clips to pull your hair up instead of elastics. They won't leave a weird crease! 
• Great if you're hair has to be up for work, but you're going somewhere after work.

• When clipping up your hair, don't twist it, bunch it.

• Avoid brushing your hair when it's curly, it'll break it. Just get into the shower with your curly hair and get it wet and wash it as usual. After you apply conditioner (and the conditioner is still in your hair) use a wide tooth comb and start at the bottom and comb out the tangles. Then run a normal comb through it to ensure you got out all the tangles.

• Don't rub your hair dry with a towel. It promotes breakage. Squeeze the water out with your hand or towel and then comb it through with the wide tooth comb then normal comb... this is where you would use the leave-in conditioner.

I'm no expert. I'm still trying out new styles and strategies! So feel free to ask questions or give suggestions! I'd love to hear them, answer them, and/or test them out!

I plan on posting different hairstyles I've come up with... so stay tuned!!!

P.S. I'm SOOO excited that there is a new Disney princess who has curly hair!!! Totally going to see Brave!

* Items are owned by their respected companies. I am not getting any kind of compensation for suggesting these products.

Through and Through

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

- Dr. Seuss  

Be You through and through.

I've worked with kindergartners this past year and I noticed something about them, they have their own personality!!! I'm sure some people out there are saying "well duh!" but think about it! For the longest time I thought that we develop our personality over time, which is true. However, I feel that we are WHO we are from birth. Different aspects about ourselves change, but I think that is just the process of trying to "find yourself" when you are young. You lose track of "who you are" in pursuit of "who they want me to be."

Once again, I must ask you to think about it! How did you act when you were little? Is it very similar to how you act now? Probably... unless you are fake now. :) Well, I did think about this! I was the little ray of sunshine. I was spunky, silly, loud, emotional, smart, controlling, and violent (we have footage of me hitting my older brother when he was teasing me... or I was just being silly... when I was 6... he didn't retaliate, which infers that it happened often.). Guess how I act now? The same. I simply have more life experience to help me relate to others around me.

Your kindergartner teachers knew you before you became you. Some of your self-destructing tendencies were evident when you were 5 and your teachers were trained to see them... and possibly warn your future teachers. 

:D 

What happened between now and then? Life. We all get to go through adolescence, it's a right of passage! Hopefully you learned something about who you don't want to be. I know I did. I'd much rather be confident, loud, and loving than insecure, quiet, and fleeting.  

Don't forget the things you used to love. 

Don't forget the things you used to want to do.

Don't forget the things you used to want to be.

Chances are they probably aren't "used to" still.

I used to love dancing at random happy moments.

I used to want to go to the Museum of Natural History.

I used to want to be a teacher.

I still do the walking man whenever something awesome happens.

I went to the Museum of Natural History 14 years after missing the field trip.

I'm two years away from getting my teaching license.

I used to love watching Disney movies.

I used to want to go to the Westminster Park.

I used to want to be a model.

I get more excited about a new Disney movies than anything else.

I drove by the park today and stopped to swing on the swings.

I get to model a winning outlook every day of my life.

In the words of Peter Pan

"If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!"

That's Really Me

I was looking at pictures of me and my friends or family and reminisced about all of the happy memories associated with them when I suddenly realized,

that's really me. 

I suppose I've grow up knowing what I look like in pictures and in the mirror, but how often do I actually have a sense of who I am and what I look like during the 99% of the day when I am not looking in the mirror. I have somewhat recently discovered that I forget how I look as I'm going throughout my day. I forget I'm not wearing make-up or my latest shopping purchase. I am me, Aubrey, through it all. Sure, some days I feel off. Although, it's not because I actually look "ugly," but it really stems from who I feel like. My friend actually named my insecure self as a way of secretly communicating that I'm not being who I really am. If you were hoping that I'd disclose the name of this "other" me, I'm afraid you will be disappointed. It's called secret communication for a reason. ;)

Something I have discovered about myself is that I'm at my best when I'm around children, followed closely by when I'm dancing. Children are the most wonderful thing in the entire world and I love them. I tend to have more patience with children than I have with my friends... or anyone for that matter. Nothing makes a day better than the love of a child! I went to the zoo recently and I found myself watching the children more than the animals. Their reactions to the creatures around them was so entertaining and pure that I was mesmerized with joy. The kindergartners I assisted in teaching this past year graduated a week ago today. I am so proud of them and I love and miss them terribly! Seeing the kids at the zoo eased the pain for a while. Although, I'm afraid that I will never get my kid fix. It's an addiction I never want to break.

The Spark

By Aubrey Nance

In a world that is so dull and dark.

There is, in fact, a little spark.

A spark to make the day less gray.

It tends to blow the blues away.

This spark ignites no tiny flame.

You may ask, "what is its name?

"This thing so pure at heart.

"The muse of so much art.

"An inferno you should never tame.

"Whose wielder would need no fame.

"A glorious thing more valuable than gold.

"You know its name, or so I'm told."

My next remark would gild the lily.

"It's the love of a child, silly."

Curiosity Killed the Cat

GOOD!!!

Curiosity is a good thing, cats are bad.

Obviously, I strongly dislike felines. I'm not sorry if that statements offends you. If something this stupid offends you Then you're dumb. Get over it.

Moving on, I do have reasons for disliking these creatures. Ready? Go.

1. They are mean.
2. They are creepy looking at night.
3. They are bad luck... Apparently just the black ones are... I still have my suspicions.
4. They are often running loose and come out of the bushes startling everyone out of their socks.
5. They are too stubborn to be trained.
6. They walk through their kitty litter and then jump on the counter. GROSS.
7. They use sandboxes as their litter box!
8. They eat birds.
9. They claw.
10. They are lame when compared to cool wild felines.
11. They destroy upholstery.
12. I'm allergic to them.

As Bob Barker would say: "Please have your [cats] spayed..."

My Mother

I love my mom. I really really love her!!! She is the most talented woman I have ever met! She can do EVERYTHING. Sew, bake, shop, stretch a dollar a million miles, decorate cakes, talk for hours, listen, and love.

My mom has done so much for me. When I moved out recently, she was sick that morning and couldn't help me move all my stuff over. I was sad, but I knew she never stays down unless she's really sick. I worked at 4 that evening and came to find out that she was going to move all the little stuff over that was missed. When I got off work she was there ready to help me put stuff away. The next day I was really busy with school, work, and ballroom rehearsal and didn't have time to unpack. Well my mom borrowed my key so she could clean. When I got home later that night my room was put together and my stuff put away. It was such a blessing and so peaceful after a very long day. :) She did it because she loves me.

Back in Jr. High I would not talk to my mom about boys or anything of consequence because I was so embarrassed. Then an amazing thing happened :) I realized that she would listen and I said to her, on one occasion, that she is my best friend. Her response startled me. "I'm not your friend. I'm your mom." It stuck with me. I didn't understand it back then, but now I know that having a true mother is so much better than a best friend any day.

My mom has helped me through so many trials and prevented many too. I have learned so much through her example. I am striving to become like her. I have big shoes to fill and it's intimidating at times, but I know that as long as I'm the best me then she'll always be proud of me.

Thank you mom.

I love you.

Happy Mother's Day.

Your very proud daughter,
Aubrey

Heal and Trust

People get rejected. It happens. It's called life. However, I tend to - like many people - think back to the most recent relationship that was somewhat successful. This happened one night when I was having a hard time being single with seemingly no hope for the future. It was one of those relationships that ends without any particular explanation and I'm left to myself to sort it all out. But... I can't... So I did what I always do when I don't understand or when I feel weak.

I prayed.

I prayed to understand, I prayed for strength, I prayed for peace. To be honest, prayer is one of the things I've been working on getting better at. I tend to be so tired from my overly productive day that I end up falling asleep while praying. This was not one of those prayers. There was earnest power behind it. However, I still forgot about it by the next morning.

The next day was Stake Conference for the Holladay YSA Stake. They changed the Stake Presidency at this meeting so it was filled with talks from the "old" leaving and the "new" coming in. Some talks were long and some were very very short.

I remember one talk in particular though. He was a missionary, and older missionary. His wife had just sat down and what she said was lost to me as soon as he opened his mouth:

"One of you is looking for an answer to your question, he said, it may even have been last night.... I'm going to answer that question. Christ suffered in Gethsemane. He suffered more than any other. On his way out of the garden, a group of men met him. One of them lost an ear to Peter's blade. Christ reached out and touched his ear and it was healed. I testify that Christ will reach out and heal you, but it won't be your ear.

"It will be your heart.

"He will touch your heart and it will heal. Trust him." then he ended his talk. I wiped away my tears in vain as I looked over at my new roommate who was crying just like me. I felt the spirit. It was so strong. I feel it even now as I record the events. I know that my HEART will heal. I just have to trust in the Lord, for it is through Him that I will be healed.

Counting

"A friend is someone who does things that count, but never stops to count them."

It's invigorating to finally just be happy with myself and recognize all of the blessings that I have. It is interesting because my biggest pitfall in my personality is to blame myself for everything. It's not a healthy habit, but I am getting a handle on it with a little extra help.

I started a habit of writing in a journal when I was about 13 years old. I did not have very many friends back then and it was my release, that and poetry (I won't let you read it, it's just depressing). ANYWAY! I've cultivated that habit and I have filled many many books with my random ramblings. It's really fun to look back at what I was doing _______ days/months/years ago. However, when I'm really tired I tend to write an itinerary of my day and it is really boring with very few memories. Which is strange considering that I strongly believe that everyday is filled with the little moments that make life worth while and those are the moments we should be focused on. So what did I do? Wait for it....

I created a memory book! Just a little book where I write at least one memorable thing for every day. It's been awesome! It gives me a real chance to look back on my day and search for those little things that made me grin and laugh. At first it was really difficult to think back for some memorable moment in a average day. So I started noticing during the day and I'm so excited to get to write them down! I've discovered that the little things don't get to me as much anymore! I think of ways to make the best out of any given situation. I have more patience with my students and customers.

I have an eternal perspective.

You're probably wondering what the quote at the beginning of this post has to do with anything I've talked about yet... just wait, it does, and here's how: We should not stop to count all the good deeds we do in a day, whether it be for a friend, coworker, family member, or random stranger! However, there are things we should count, like true friends, the moments that make us smile, the things people do for US, our talents, our positive attributes, and a bunch of other positive things. I'm not saying we should all get egotistical. I hate that! I'm just saying that no one likes a pity party and they are so avoidable if you just focus on the postitive!

I don't want to focus on the things I'm good at. That's for me to know and for you to find out. ;) Although, I do want to focus on the things people have done for me in the past few weeks. Yes, I'm going to talk about my tremendous friends. I know I do this a lot, but you tend to value what you haven't always had.

I have the best friends ever! I will not name them because I have to draw the line somewhere and I always hear about it if someone didn't make the cut. I love you all!!!

I have friends who let me vent to them, friends that wake me up from my delusions, friends that say they fail to find something wrong with me (Thanks for pretending), friends that will drive to give me a hug when I really need it, friends that randomly visit me at work and create a record for the most refills, friends who leave HILARIOUS voicemail messages(yes, I save them), friends who create rules and then kindly remind me of them, friends who won't let me think badly of myself, friends who will rescue me from a bad situation, friends that get mad when I say I can "maybe" go on a trip, friends who get mad at those friends who got mad at me for saying maybe, friends who laugh at my stupid jokes, friends who will only go to a party if I'm there (that makes me feel awesome), friends who say they feel like they've known me for ever rather than a few months, friends who love talking through movies, friends who go on drives, friends who go on adventures, friends who stay up talking for hours at IHOP, friends who say I'm beautiful even when I haven't showered for a week, friends who fight over whose ward I should be in, friends who make blanket forts, friends who go on midnight runs to Walmart, friends who love to EAT no matter the time of day, friends who give me piggy back rides, "shanaenae," friends who dance, friends who sing, friends who make me laugh, friends who make me cry, friends who dress down, friends who get spiffed up, I have friends and it's the one thing I've always wanted.

I'm going to start posting my memorable every day experiences on the sidebar of my blog... I hope I can figure it out! I'm excited to show you how awesome life can be... even with a life as busy as mine.

"Life's not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away."

- Hitch

Ctrl - Y

It's interesting how life tends to work itself out. So many factors influence our EVERYDAY life that it is quite improbable for one moment to determine the rest of our existence! However, moments can greatly influence our future and often do! We cannot press undo and shouldn't want to.

On December 31, 2011, my little sister, Helene, sent me a text that read "it's 12:00 am on January 1, 2011. You get a redo, do you take it?" My answer? NOOOO. First off, of COURSE you don't redo it. A year is a long time and why put yourself through all the hard times again. Sure you can avoid some, but there will be others! I'd much rather have a year of past experiences than have to relive what I've already been through. Once was enough.

However....

There are differently those nights that I wish I could redo or relive, just to see what had happened. Once again, these are impossible stupid things to dwell on. "What if"s are stupid! Even in present situations. For example, I once was dating a totally awesome and handsome guy. Now, we weren't exclusive and I was also interested in this other guy who seemed interested as well. Guy #1 wanted me to be his girlfriend, but I had reservations because what if guy #2 liked me too. One night I realized, HOW STUPID AM I?! I was putting off a sure thing for a what if. I went with the sure thing.... Well now you're wondering what happened to that guy. It didn't work out, but I did make the right decision. How do I know? Guy #2 started dating another girl around the same time and it did work out, thus they are getting married. Talk about God's plan right? Whatever is meant to happen will happen.

Thus I've chosen to push Ctrl-y on my life. It's worked out up to this point. Yes I'm single, but I've got the best friends in the world, two jobs that I LOVE, an adorable bachelorette pad, a spunky car, a hilarious family, and a date every weekend. I am living the dream. I'm creating memories that I will tell my kids one day.

In honor of Dr. Seuss' birthday....

Oh, The Places You'll Go

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.  And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

...

You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

Ctrl - Z

Do you ever feel like you've missed your chance? You made a wrong decision, chose another path, or focused on the wrong thing and it altered your life so much that it seems impossible to undo the damage.

I think I missed my chance. I made a wrong decision, chose another path, and focused on the wrong thing and it altered my life so much that it seems impossible to undo the damage.

Losing Drive

There comes a time when you just are not as motivated as you used to be. It can happen with school, dating, work, social life, homework, ballroom dance team, dating... Some areas of my life are taking priority over others even if they shouldn't.

School:

Working on my fourth year of college! The last time I was so unmotivated was about two years ago when I was finishing up my sophomore year at Salt Lake Community College. How did I get through two more years after that? I got my Associate's Degree, before I took all the elementary education class offered, and transferred to the University of Utah. Well I cannot do that again, well I could, but that would be a very stupid thing to do. So I'm just pushing through with an even busier life with two jobs and the ballroom dance team. Leaving me very little time for homework... haha oops!

Work:

I have two wonderful jobs!!! I work in a diagnostic kindergarten as an assistant teacher. I love teaching those little 5 year-olds! They make everyday so much more fun!!! Some days they drive me crazy, but I still love 'em!
My second job is at the Cowboy Grub as a waitress. I love it too... some days it ruins my fun by preventing me from having fun with my friends and, then again, I work with a bunch of my friends. Some of the customers are crazy and some are super cool... then there are a lot of average ones too... :) I LOVE serving families because I love those kiddies! If you make the kids love you then the parents will love you too!

Homework:
Not going to waste my time on this subject. I'll just tell you that I have 3 hours with nothing to do and I'm choosing to do write on my blog and organize EVERYTHING ELSE.

Social Life:

I am a girl who has way more guy friends than girl friends. It's so much more fun that way!!! My guys range from all types of life styles! There's the Trio which consists of Griffin Mansell, Russell Davis, and myself. I love hanging out with those two, they just make me happy and we're goof balls!!! There is Ephraim Jaussi who is my movie buddy. We both love talking during movies and thus we go to random movies on random nights and critique them and make fun observations. I've seen some VERY good movies with him. Anthony Badger is my facebook buddy... hehe yep. To clarify, he and I have AWESOME conversations over facebook. In person we just make fun of each other and say ridiculous things. Tyler Voorhees is an old friend. We hung out a ton back when I was 18, but he got married to an awesome girl a couple years ago and I don't see him as much. He just is so positive and I love being around him. Josh Bates is one of my very best friends. I've found so much peace in our conversations during long drives. On the girl end, I have my set of girl friends who know everything about me: Allie Vincent, Sarah Matheson Snow, Amy VanTienderen, Elisa Warren, and Katie Butters. I love those girls more than you know. Their random texts of love and fun just make my day so much better!

Ballroom Dance Team:

Yep! I'm on the University of Utah Ballroom Dance Company again!!!!!!! It's so much fun and I can't even go to all the practices because I'm working so much. I just get to learn what I missed over the weekend and be ready for the next practice on Mondays. I get to raise $150 of sponsorships so if you're interested PLEASE let me know!

Dating:

Ah... dating... Let's just say that I've been trying to date as much as possible lately... I've sadly been unsuccessful though. I been spending time with some pretty awesome guys as of late and they remain nameless as to avoid awkward situations in the future. Just know that I'm totally up for blind dates... please?  

All in all my life is pretty busy, but I'm loving every minute of it! Whatever ups and downs may come, I love dancing in this roller-coaster of a life!

Up...dates

I am the type of person... girl... thing... :) that remembers dates with no problem! If there is the least bit of emotional difference from a normal day then I tend to remember the date. It is a curse and a blessing. Here are some dates in no particular order...

• July 29th - My birthday!
• January 29th - My 1/2 birthday - I have a summer birthday so in grade school I would celebrate on my 1/2 birthday!
• March 15th - Mom's birthday
• May 28th - Brandon's Birthday
• June 21th - Dad's Birthday
• November 5th - Cameron and Ashley's birthday
• December 8, 2010 - Allie left on her mission
• January 28, 2011 - I began dating Justin.
• February 8, 2011 - Justin  and I broke up, Allie was gone for 2 months... it was a hard day.
• September 15, 2008 - I got my first kiss!
• April 1, 2009 - I broke up with Mike... yep, April Fools.
• February 26th - Sarah's Birthday
• April 17th - Helene, Will, Justin, and Carly's Birthday
• July 22nd - Bryant's bithday
• November 25, 2011 - Bryant and I started dating "officially"
• January 8, 2012 - Bryant and I broke up... Not a fan of the 8th

There a tons more, trust me!

Broken or Unfulfilled Promises.

People tend to say that they will never hurt you. Lie. You CANNOT guarantee that! Please stop saying things like that people! It just makes it hurt more in the end.

Also I'd appreciate it if you didn't promise to fulfill a childhood desire and back out at the last minute. I get all hyped up only to have it come crashing down every time. I'm not good with disappointment. I've had way to much of it through my childhood and adolescence.

 I think 90 % of those who read this don't really know what I've been through and I won't put it on here.

I'm always looking for the silver lining, but still trying to dance in the rain.